Wank You For Coming, Here's Your Festival Tickets

courtesy Exclaim.ca


For young men in Europe, there's no need to ask where's the love as long as you don't mind that it comes in the form of festival tickets for a few strong shots of your man juice.

A sperm collection and awareness program launched in Ireland this week offered 'donation packs' for qualified males who would, in return for their gift to womankind, get free music festival tickets to fests in the U.K. and Europe this summer.

In today's entertainment/sex saturated world, it's a genius promotional campaign, albeit it would be unlikely to pull it off in the uptight U.S.A.,where we have endless television programs that depict sex and the human body in roundabout, mixed signal ways yet we won't offer the same teens watching those programs free condoms in high school. (Don't do that, 'the kids' might think it's ok to have sex! Ugh...)

The sperm-for-tickets concept is a brilliant marketing campaign, not only because it catches the interest of the media and public (Europeans are much more honest about sexual matters than Americans), but the sperm bankers know their are plenty of young European men that would give up more than a few shots to go to a rock festival for free.

And if the pure joy of free festival tickets for many young men - and their girlfriends, or boyfriends, take your pick - was not orgasmic enough (albeit self-induced), they can also use their other head - the one with a brain in it - long enough to comprehend that their 'donation' is helping to address a crisis in Ireland - the Irish are facing a 40% shortfall in sperm reserves in the face of rising demand.

But, not too fast there slick. Apparently, the coffers filled up as of yesterday and the promoters behind the sperm-for-tickets campaign had to change every page of their website and replaced the content with the same following statement:

The purpose of this website was to test market interest through a pilot scheme.

Applications for donation packs have far exceed the expectations. Our clients are calling a halt to the invitation to apply for packs, and will review the results of the scheme to decide on how to proceed.

All submissions sent to the website are fully protected under Irish privacy regulations, and will not be released to ANY third party.

If the clinic decide to proceed with the mail system after examining the results of the pilot scheme, all people who applied for donation packs will be contacted.

Thank you for your patience and interest.

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Labels: 2008 Music Festivals, Sperm For Tickets, UK Music Festivals